<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d12201843\x26blogName\x3dpeminista\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://peminista.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://peminista.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-3427366410401226810', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
























































































































[28 July 2007] Negative Feedback
The OS 203 Upper Ex exam was like a stimulus that opened my gated channels. Negative energy flowed freely from higher to lower concentration. I got into a state of entropy. Fear went through the blood-brain barrier. I got so infected by doubt that it seemed septic already.

Negative energy became excessive. My limbic system responds. Acetylcholine activates my nicotinic and muscarinic receptors, inducing lacrimation. I don't know if I still have the ATP to move on.

Finally, my body had enough negative energy. My control system gets revved up, initiating negative feedback.

A bar of Crunch.
A memory of a smile.
Friends.
Jess.

The gates started to close. Positive energy began to diffuse in.

Homeostasis is achieved.

...

I REALLY want to be a doctor. I guess that's why I got so worried to the point that the worrying was too much and it didn't help anymore. Believe me, it's not just academics. And I don't have any intention of competing with anyone in class. But there's this pressure that comes with it, and it just affected me the wrong way that instead of helping me in my inner struggle, it made me experience pessimism at its best.

I need to do better. My efforts are not enough, and I have to learn. So basically, I have to shut up now and study for Monday's exam so that I can do good :p

Salamat, guys :) I really needed the boost. And booze, perhaps? Party tayo next week :p Hehehehehehe. Tapos akyat ng bundok the next day!

Kaya natin 'to!!!!! Kapit lang... Dose, walang iwanan :)


[26 July 2007] Unstable
It's been days that I've been feeling down and not myself. I'm feeling worse that putting up the happy mask is beginning to become harder and harder to do each day.

The feeling is unexplainable. But it has something to do with med school, definitely. It's med and being in the pool of people who are unbelievably extraordinary.

*sigh*