The Host Club is now open! [peminista v.5]

[30 September 2005] Not good enough

It hurts... when you realize that whatever you do, you can never be good enough to some people

.

I used to say that I would do my best to achieve something that people say I cannot do, so that they won't have anything to say to me anymore about it. But now... I'm tired. I'm tired of trying. I don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore. I'm tired of trying to prove myself, knowing that I can never be good enough for them. I have my limits too, you know. I'm happy with what I'm doing, and that should be enough for them.

Who would think that behind the corny jokes and smiling face is a person who is deeply hurting...

Should I say sorry for not being perfect?

I'm going to cry myself to sleep.

[26 September 2005] Chocnut

Wala lang.

GUSTO KO NG CHOCNUT!!!!

At di pa rin ako nakakabili. I've been wanting chocnut for over a week now.

Waaaaah.

The craving of a young woman shedding off her endometrium... Go figure.

[24 September 2005] PBB and JB...

When Pinoy Big Brother was still being promoted, yes, I was curious, but I didn't think that I would actually watch it, especially when some of my friends said that they didn't like it after watching a few episodes when it was being aired already.

Well, well, well (look do we have here... hehehe)... ngayon, adik na ko. Hehehe. Adik to the point that I know how to play the PBB theme song on the guitar, I partly know their dance steps, I programmed the show for recording on our VCR (so I could watch episodes I missed), I go to the PBB site for updates, AND... I'm convinced that Sam and I are destined together

. Walang kokontra. Libre mangarap. Hehehehe. Anyway, it's really entertaining... for me at least.

Speaking of Sam, OMG, just found out this evening that he plays the guitar and he sings!!!

Mahal ko na siya, nyahaha.

I just came from our living room coz I was watching the 2nd eviction night (I missed the 1st one).. and unfortunately, JB got evicted

. That is soooo sad coz I really liked JB, even from the start. It makes me want to believe that Raquel is ABS-CBN's mole inside the Big Brother house. Arrrrrg. Di talaga siya bagay dun!!! Darn text voters. Pinerahan lang kayo (tayo pala...

. I voted once for JB, huhuhu). Kawawa naman si Say. Naiyak ako sa kanila. I just hope they'll really wait for each other, you know. I think they look good together. Oh well, I'm sure JB would be an instant celebrity like Rico.

Welcome back to the outside world, JB! Sana pumunta ka rin ng RP. Hehehe

[] Counterstain!

Counterstain!!! Congrats sa'tin! Hehehehe. Det, Nicie, Tal, Rox and Reg... love you guys!

Anyway, remember the band we formed that I was raving about the other entry? We finally had our first performance this evening in PHacoustics, and I think we did okay. Di naman kami nagkalat... kung nagkalat man, it's not as much as we all probably expected to

. Hehe.

Ang funny kasi kami lang yung bihis na bihis. We were all in black tops and dark jeans, and we even put on eyeliner, lip gloss and cheek tint before entering the backstage. Tapos makikita na lang namin na yung iba, wala lang, as in kung ano yung pinangpasok nila, yun din. Hahaha. Oh diba, at least, mukhang prepared (take note, the word is "mukhang"). Hehe.

We sang Runaway by the Corrs (me on vocals, Nicie on violin, Reg on piano, Tal on shaker and backup, Det and Rox on guitars), Ang Pag-ibig Kong Ito by Moonstar88 (Det on vocals, Nicie, Tal and me on guitars, Rox on shaker),and 214 by Rivermaya (Tal on vocals, me on shaker and backup, Reg on piano, Det and Rox on guitars, Nicie on shaker). O diba? Rotation ito! Hehehe.

Anyway, it was really fun. Tama nga yung sinabi ni Ate Kat, that we should not think that we're doing this because we're singing for them, the audience, but we're singing because we love to sing and we love music. We're just like singing to ourselves, but really out loud, loud enough for others to hear. Hehehe. Sabi nga ni Rox after ng performance na parang ayaw niya umalis sa stage after naming magperform. Rox, the feeling is mutual!

Okay din yung pagpapractice namin ng mga 3 weeks. Hehe.

Galing nga pala ng Fireproof Caloy! Pwede na pang sabak sa intercollegiate band competition. You should all hear them... ganyan din naman nagsimula ang Sponge Cola, diba? So, I'm pretty sure that they're going to reach heights as well

.

The band that played before them was soooo cool as well! Kumpleto gamit ba! Bass guitar, lead guitar, their own kahon, sosyaling shaker (sa'min kasi itlog lang, hehe), female vocalist, male vocalist, backup... and my favorite, may chimes pa sila ha!

Ang galing, ang galing!

Counterstainers, rock on (kahit di naman tayo purely mga rockista, hehe)!!!

Hope we'd have more opportunities to make music together again

[22 September 2005] Gawad Kalinga

One of the things I really abhor is when I'm being prevented from what I want to do. You can probably stop me from attending a party or going somewhere with my friends, but I'd probably hold a grudge against you if you stop me from doing what I REALLY want to do, as in something that I want to put my heart in

.

Just like a while ago, I asked my dad if I could go to the Gawad Kalinga Youth Assembly this Saturday. Initially, he refused. He told me I don't have the time anymore. Lahat na raw sinalihan ko. I told him it's for a good cause. Lahat naman raw ng ginagawa ko for a good cause. Huwhat?!?

Tinitigan ko nga ng masama... habang nakatalikod siya, shempre. Hehehe.

Have you heard of Gawad Kalinga (GK)? It's an organization "aiming to realize the vision for a new Philippines with no more slums. It's about rebuilding communities and being a hero to our country." Anyway, USC Chair Albert Domingo invited his friend, which is the president of UP-GK, to attend the All Leaders' Conference last Monday and present the organization. And so people from their org came and presented themselves. I've learned that GK does not only build homes, but they build communities. I joined a Habitat for Humanity activity once, but they seem to focus on providing homes only. GK has 5 programs: Shelter, Health, Education, Livelihood and Community Empowerment. GK believes in "living simply, so that others may simply live." They have stories that people from other countries sell their luxury cars and mansions and just drive simple cars and live in simple houses so that they could provide a house for GK. One GK house costs Php 50,000. Anyway, the president of the org hopes that we could join them and help in the programs, especially the Health program. I want to join. Parang ngayon na nga lang uli ako naging ganito ka excited about joining something

.

I've always been conscious of my grades. Late elementary, high school and early college, babad ako sa aral. But then, I thought, I don't want to graduate knowing that all I ever did was to study. I know that it is priority #1 since I need remarkable grades to get into med school, pero ano ba yun... college, though it's supposed to be more serious, it's also supposed to be more fun at the same time. Ano na sasabihin ko nyan pag may nagtanong sa'kin, "Anong ginawa mo nung college?" "Nag-aral lang." "Ah."

Ngek. Yuck. Nerd. Wouldn't it be better if I'm doing something (or according to my parents, "everything else") while I'm studying, and still get more or less good grades? Tiba?

They say they're just concerned because I don't have time for anything anymore. I don't get to rest. My eyebags are getting deeper everyday. Perhaps that I'm young and I don't understand and I make rash decisions. But you see, I AM young... and I want to do as much as I can while I'm young and growing. I want to grow up knowing that I've done so many things, good things, in life.

They also don't understand what I feel. They don't know... they don't feel the love I have for doing the things that I do. Mahal ko ang ginagawa ko, bakit ba? Bakit kailangan nila akong pigilan? Alam ko sa sarili ko mahirap, to do and to be to all those at the same time. Eh ganun talaga eh. I am not a masochist. Pero diba nga, God never said it would be easy. He only said it would be worth it. The feeling of fulfillment overcomes that of tiredness

.

Sometimes, they just let me continue with my activites, thinking that it would make me look good when I apply for admission to a medical school. OMG

. Ang babaw ko naman kung ganun ako, na sumasali lang ako sa kung ano so I'd have something to put in my resume. That would probably be one of the perks, you know. But geez, I'm not that kind of person.

I have been inactive in volunteer outreach work for some time. It's time I put myself back to helping others. Di ko alam kung bakit hindi ako sumali ng Pahinungod. Perhaps joining Gawad Kalinga is my calling? Or maybe it's in their mode of presenting their cause?

They said in the GK presentation that recently, it's all about "ibagsak". Enough of that, they said. We should focus more on "itayo", rebuilding a new Philippines. Ganda noh?

Oh yeah, in the end, my dad allowed me to go. Binabawi ko na ang masamang titig. Hehe. I made him read the pamphlet that UP-GK gave us. Then he entered the room and said, "Anak, mukhang good cause nga toh. Sige, punta ka, sama ako sa Sabado."

I said, "Dad! YOUTH nga eh."

[18 September 2005] Magical... Version 2!

Francine, ang lakas mo sa'kin ah!

Anyway, I changed my layout so that viewing would be easier... just one scroll bar for the whole site. Mejo hassle nga naman kung may scroll bar sa blog mismo then meron pa sa side bar, tapos ang haba pa nung scroll. So there! Version 2 is almost the same as the 1st, except for the colors, etc.

I think I do like this one better

[08 September 2005] Mad about Madz

Instead of spending the night reviewing my Biostat book and copies of our professors' lectures for my PH 141 exam on Friday, I was in our church ushering people to their seats. What for? The Philippine Madrigal Singers a.k.a. Madz had a concert just hours ago in our parish's cathedral, in honor of our beloved Mother Mary, who will be having her birthday tomorrow... er, today!

Ang masasabi ko lang... hindi ako nagsisisi na nanood ako kesa nakapag-aral ako para sa exam ko.

Ang galing ng Madz. I hope that someday we (Chorale) can be as good as them. Or as the Ateneo Chamber Singers (ACS). Isa pa yung choir na yun, HAYUP. HALIMAW. Sobrang galing

.

I love music. I may prefer some genre over other kinds, but still, I appreciate music. Very much. I love singing. I love singing in a group, otherwise, I would not have joined my church's or my high school's or my university's choir. My dad tells me na bata pa lang ako, mahilig na ko magsecond voicing. I love choral music. The sound of harmonizing voices is just so... beautiful. Tuwang-tuwa ako sa mga kanta ng Madz kanina na napaisip ako, "Bakit nga ba hindi ako nag Music?"

And a crazy thought entered my mind: I want to join the Philippine Madrigal Singers someday... well, at least after I graduate or when I'm old enough... experienced enough... good enough. Kelan kaya yun? Crazy? Yes? I thought so, too...

.

Haaay... Madz.

[06 September 2005] Kano

I'm supposed to be studying for my Anatomy exam tomorrow, but this would just be short

Two American guys (they were Mormons, I think) got on the jeep I was riding on. They were both big guys, and the other one looked so cute coz he was eating gummy worms

. Hehehe. Anyway, I was waiting for them to give their fares to the driver, and to my amusement, one of them extended his arm forward and said, "Bayad po, sa Dongalo lang." If you must know, I find American guys who can speak Tagalog, properly, but still with a faint Am accent, really really adorable

. Also those who are just learning the language but seems to be getting it right would look really cute to me, too. Coz I have this cousin, pure Filipino but raised in the States, who understands Tagalog but doesn't speak it, and when he does... it really sounds funny. The guys in the jeep? Good enough, they sounded Filipino-ish. And it's nice to know that there are actually some foreigners who try to learn Tagalog. Para kasing lagi na lang tayo ang kailangang matuto ng Inggles. Sila na nga bumibisita, tayo pa mag-aadjust sa kanila imbis na sila ang matuto.

Oh well, just wanted to share! Kaya pag meron kilang kilalang ganyan, hehehe... pakilala nyo sa'kin

.

Aral na!!!!

Good luck nga pala sa mga batchmates ko! Kaya natin toh!!!