| [16 October 2006] Pagod na
|
It's been a while, ne?
Talaga naman. I'm supposed to finish the final written proposal for our SS (a.k.a. thesis), and what am I doing? Blogging. Nag-toogs toogs din pala kami nung Friday night to Saturday early morning, kaya ayun... buong umaga hanggang hapon, tuloogs tuloogs naman. Sayang ang oras (pero masaya naman, diba? haha).
Wala lang. Napapagod lang ako. These past few weeks had been really toxic for us that death seems like a better option. No kidding.
Naalala ko lang, nung isang gabi... I was so desperate to study for my Clin Micro exam in peace (my dad invaded the living room a.k.a. my study area) that I locked myself up in the bathroom until my dad was finished doing his exercises and watching TV downstairs. Kawawa.
I need Kage Bunshins. Really. So I can do so much and be at many places at the same time.
I miss Chorale terribly. This has been the looooooooooongest time that I haven't been to rehearsals. 3 weeks na ata! And go ask them, that is so not me. And I feel so bad, naiiwanan ko na rin pati responsibilidad ko as SC Chairperson sa college namin. Stagnant... for a month and counting. I disgust myself. I really don't deserve the position.
Pagod na ko.
Pagod na ko sa kakaisip kung bakit nangyari ang nangyari. But thoughts of him just keep on coming in my head, even if I really don't want it. There's no point in denying. Oo, bitter ako. Malungkot ako. I know that things will get better eventually, but can't it be sooner? It's not that I want things to be back the way it was before. I just wanted to move on completely.
Pagod na ko sa kakaasa na makakapasok pa ko ng UP Med. Hanggang pangarap na lang talaga ako, pero unti-unti nang naglalaho. My grades suck. And I suck for not even making an effort to raise 'em. I had a chance to raise my grade in Epid from 2.0 to 1.75, but I'm too tired to study for the final exam. Perhaps, too lazy? Oh well, UP's not the only med school. I bet I could get in UST, and it's not bad there. Nakakapanghinayan lang talaga yung laking matitipid if I make it to UP Med. Basta one thing's for sure, I'm going to take up Medicine. Wala nang atrasan toh. For Lola. For my parents. For others.
Pero ang pangarap ko rin na grumaduate na cum laude... *poof*. Wala na din. Sayang. And it's my fault. At ang lakas pa ng loob kong mag-rant. Hwattaloser.
Haaay. Back to work (although I want to read more manga... work slacker!!!).
|
