For some time now, I've been seriously thinking about my future. I mean, why not? After this summer, I'm going to be in my last year in college... and then, what's next? Go to Med? Get a job? Take a year off? Join the tour? Take the boards? Continue studying in PH? There were those who were unfortunate to have listened to my ramblings about my future. I guess I can say I have good news for you... I am now less confused.

Three years ago, or any other time before that, if someone asked me what I wanted to be, what I want to do after college, I'd have one sure answer: "Take up Medicine," I'd usually say. But my later years in college came, and as time went on, my answer gradually changed to "Hopefully" or "Still seriously thinking about it". I lost the drive to become a doctor after those sleepless nights, reading books and memorizing terms, and yet getting low grades. Goodbye to that 1.75 GWA that I need to get into UP College of Medicine. I got discouraged. I forgot why exactly I wanted to study Medicine.

Then, I took the NMAT. I couldn't even get at least a 90. And I suck at interviews. Do I even stand a chance??

I know that I would be lying to myself if I say that it won't matter if I don't get into UP Med, because it does. It really does matter to me. But I guess it is time to accept what is at hand... to be more open to other options... to entertain possibilities. And it is time to recall why I'm doing all of this for.

I was always told not to get into Medicine for the wrong reasons. And definitely, for me, it's not just for the money, and it's not just for the title. It's to help others. Surely, there are more, probably even greater, ways to help other people. But this is a path I've chosen even before I fully understood what a doctor does. And with Public Health as my background, I can already imagine how much help I could give. I don't care if this sounds so Miss Universe-ish, but I know that all of these are true, and it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Recently, I've been trying to plan my years ahead. I'll apply in the good medical schools in the country, and wherever God puts me... then, that's that. I guess what I'd do after I graduate Med school, whether I'd get a higher degree in my college or specialize in a field in medicine, well... I'd just cross the bridge when I get there. I know there would still be lots of mind-rattling challenges that I would be facing... but I have to do it. Or rather, I want to do it. And I will do it. And like what I usually say, "Kaya yan! Kung hindi kaya... kakayanin..."

I just hope that I'd still be this decided at the end of the year...

Who would've thought that catching the last few minutes of a movie you haven't seen in a long while will bring you back to the time when you promised yourself... when you formed your dreams... when you hoped with all your heart that you will become this or that someday...?

"Sir, I want to be a doctor with all my heart. I wanted to become a doctor so I could serve others... and because of that I've lost everything... but I've also gained everything. I've shared the lives of patients and staff members at the hospital. I've laughed with them. I've cried with them. This is what I want to do with my life. And as God is my witness... no matter what your decision today, sir... I will still become the best damn doctor the world has ever seen."

---Robin Williams as Patch Adams, Patch Adams

My sentiments, exactly.